Why?
by heathah
Summary: Domino, earlier confronted (and kissed) by Alex (a made up character from EVIL:Denounced! [look to my profile for details]), now finds herself confronted with what else but more doubts?


_Note from Heather: Whee, my first submission on this site. :) Sorry if you're having trouble understanding. Basically, Domino has tried to hate Alex ever since he came along (a couple of years earlier), and when he kissed her this time, she couldn't allow herself to hate him anymore... She wants him to yell at her and hate her, but he won't show anything but kindness to her, and she's not used to such good treatment, so she's VERY confused..._

_.... Right. Enjoy! XD;_

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**Why...**

That's all I've been able to ask myself for the past two hours. Screw my work load- I let myself off early. Never mind what anyone else needs- this is what I need. I just couldn't stop thinking...

This is not how I was raised to be. I thought I knew my programming. I'm supposed to be a machine... Liquid ice flows through my veins... I know all of the secrets. I'm behind every scene... Every malicious smirk... every menacing laugh. It's all me. It's my life.

But now I'm suddenly human again? Earth is no place for me! How am I supposed to dig my toes into the sands that I fought to keep from swallowing me for so long? How can I just allow myself to... forget it all?

... for him.

He's the reason I sit here, staring at the ceiling. The reason my productivity has ceased... He seemed so worthless at first. There was no question in my mind but to hate him. And that I did.

Yelling... screaming... distrust... arguments. Every single awful thing I slung his way.

But he is broken, too. Another Rocket elite... with a faulty motherboard. That has to be it. How else could he... completely forget the horrible things I say to him the second after they leave my mouth? He's crazy. He says he loves me.

I won't let him.

I can't.

Machines cannot love. I've been raised mechanically. Hatred is the only thing I know, and it is that which gives me my strength where mere humans would falter.

... So why did I fail?

Why couldn't I have just let him tell me that he loves me, and pushed him away again? I've done it once... Since when did twice become too hard for me to handle?

There is no room for this. My life can't allow it, I keep telling myself. If I allow this sense to fill me... who's to say more weakness won't follow? I'll eventually succumb to it all, won't I? And him too... then where would we be?

... together.

The word fills my mind, sending chills down my spine. I fight to keep it away, but it just feels... so good. So wholesome. There is something real about the thought... something warm. He and I... exactly the way he thinks he wants it...

... but how can he want me? How can he love me? What barrier did he break through to see past even what I know of myself? His intelligence amazes me for this exact reason. I had thought him a fool... til only two hours ago.

When he broke me.

Growling, I kick my bedsheets away, striving to stay dominant to at least one thing. Warily, I eye them... I shan't turn my back on anything else today... lest something sneak up on me like he did. Glaring around the room, I mutter,

"You can't have me. You can't BREAK me!" My voice grows louder, and before I know it, I am screaming into my pillow. Hot tears... searing with hate stain its crimson cover. He's got me, now. I'm thinking of him again. He's not even around, and I am losing to him. And even if he was around... he never fought. I was the warring one. It was complete stealth on his part. He never lifted a finger, and I still fell to him.

...I'm losing it. I've got to be. He is the only person running through my mind. Damn him... damn him forever. Why couldn't he have just accepted my hint? Why did he have to prod... until my walls came tumbling down?

More tears. I can actually hear him now. Funny how I hardly know him, and yet I already know exactly what he'd say to me.

'I'm not trying to make you miserable, Dommie.'

The hell you aren't. Look at me.

'I'm so sorry that you're hurting... but you've got to stop beating yourself up. You're making this so much worse than it is.'

Oh, shut up. I am no-

I blink, suddenly. Me...? Hurting myself, then?

But it was... all him, wasn't it? Talking to me, even now, as I'm trying to forget.

I look around. He's not here. He can't have been doing anything to me. So... it really is my own doing, then. He may have opened the wound... but I am only cutting it deeper with each accusatory thought toward him.

I sigh, curling up a bit... and pulling my sheets back toward me. It's time to turn myself from self-destruct mode, and focus my energy on creating a remedy to my problem.

Perhaps he HAS wounded me... slashed through my heart. But maybe that was only to find his way deeper... to fill me... and rid me of my hatred. Perhaps I am not meant to be machine... maybe I really am of this earth...

Swinging my legs from the bed, I slowly stand, and saunter to the window. I unlatch the glass pane, and heave it open. I allow the wind to dry my tears. He is the wind. This is how he would want it to be.

When he kissed me, he made me bleed. But now I know I am human. I can no longer function by myself.

I'm meant to be broken. But only to be rebuilt again... better.

He'll rebuild me.

He promised.

**And that... is why.**


End file.
